I don't normally approve of splash pages on web sites, but when The Australian homepage opens with a photo of a smirking, Speedo-clad Tony Abbott, there really ought to be some place for a warning to be displayed beforehand.

Oh, and Murdoch, if you're interested? That most certainly is not content I'd be prepared to pay for.

The editors at The Australian: not big fans of Malcolm Turnbull, it seems. We're still not quite reaching the critical mass of hysteria the Australian media were achieving when they were baying for Latham's blood in January 2008 (the Fairfax columnists seem to be enjoying the entertainment too much to want it to end anytime soon), but The Australian is making a valiant attempt to single-handedly build the momentum for a leadership spill.

I just don't think they accept that John Howard isn't coming back.

Top Stories | The Nation | The Australian:

Turnbull can't act without approval
Lenore Taylor, National correspondent MALCOLM Turnbull will be forced to seek Coalition partyroom approval before signing a deal over the government's renewable energy target...

All guns turned on Turnbull
KEVIN Rudd has launched a multi-pronged attack on Malcolm Turnbull's judgment, in a bid to put the Opposition Leader to the political sw...

Nats take aim at Turnbull's tactics
Matthew Franklin, Chief political correspondent MALCOLM Turnbull faces pressure to refine his parliamentary tactics amid growing frustration among the Nationals over his failure to lay...

Labor hammers Turnbull over economy
Christian Kerr | 6:30pm THE federal Government has fired a question time broadside at Opposition Leader Malcolm Turnbull over his economic judgement.

Be Turnbull's governor for $55,000:

Nearly 20 individuals or families listed among Australia's richest 200 have contributed to Malcolm Turnbull's electorate fund-raising machine, which has collected more than $1.4 million since 2007. Wealthy contributors to the Opposition Leader's fund-rasing arm, the Wentworth Forum, include Seven Network chairman Kerry Stokes, Westfield founder Frank Lowy, former Macquarie Bank boss Alan Moss and Aussie Home Loans chief John Symond. Others include former chief of failed investment bank Babcock & Brown, Phil Green, Sydney property developer Harry Triguboff, gaming machine manufacturer Len Ainsworth, and Ros Packer, mother of Crown Casino owner James Packer.

Not so much blood in the water, as Fairfax throwing in some chum to see if they can get a feeding frenzy going. A quick glance at the News Corp sites doesn't show a trace of this story yet - expect to see a "Yes, but Labor does it too!" story by way of response, though.

Old media, by Crikey | The Australian:

Crikey sells itself as the future of serious journalism, but it isn't. It does not break big stories. It does not send reporters around the world. It does not analyse policy in detail. And too often it escapes the laws on defamation and the scrutiny of the Press Council. Crikey is what newspapers were in the 18th century, a small-circulation propaganda sheet, read by people less interested in news and debate than having their prejudices confirmed.

The Australian (or, as it's affectionately known, "that toxic rag") gets defensive over suggestions that it's past its best. So defensive, in fact, that its editorial appears to completely miss the irony of its concluding sentence.

The Chaser takes aim at Michael Jackson, Malcolm Turnbull | TV | News.com.au:

THE Chaser boys have paid tribute to the recent demise of a "truly tragic freak".

"It's obviously a very sad week as we try to come to terms with a monumental loss, and mourn the demise of a truly tragic figure - Malcolm Turnbull,'' Chris Taylor said in last night's satirical show.

"So much success early on, but then, later on, he just became a freak,'' added Craig Reucassel.

Thanks so much for your comments, Mr Barking Mad | theage.com.au:

Media proprietors love the "Your Say" feature because it generates plenty of free content for their websites — I mean, because it allows marginalised Australians to have their say, enhancing the functioning of our democratic society. Ahem.

Although personally I avoid the readers' comments like the plague, because that's really the only charitable way to describe the ignorant rage seething and sputtering throughout those particular forums.

How to write your own Courier Mail front-page:

1. Brisbane's coldest/hottest/foggiest/wettest/driest/frog-rainiest morning since the last one;
2. traffic congestion problems on a randomly-selected major road;
3. the Queensland Labor government is incompetent scum;
4. Spoooooorrrrrtt!;
5. we hate the Queensland government.
   

Annabel Crabb:

As he approached, flanked by wife Lucy and a media adviser, Mr Turnbull perceived the sinister shape of Laurie Oakes, lying in ambush next to the alcove in which the morning tea was scheduled to occur.

Finding Laurie Oakes waiting for you at a minor event is a deeply unnerving thing for any politician. It's like coming home to find a cop car outside, lights flashing; there is a chance that everything will work out OK, but not a big chance.

Via @spacejock:

Thousands of dolphins block Somali pirates | The Daily Telegraph:

China Radio International reported the Chinese merchant ships escorted by a China's fleet sailed on the Gulf of Aden when they met some suspected pirate ships. Thousands of dolphins suddenly leaped out of water between pirates and merchants when the pirate ships headed for the China's.

And if it's reported by the Chinese media you know it must be true, because the state-owned stations would never tell you lies...

But China's state media isn't what I'm here to mock. Oh no:

The suspected pirates ships stopped and then turned away. The pirates could only lament their littleness befor the vast number of dolphins. The spectacular scene continued for a while.

Because "lament their littleness" is all Western media.

Top crime fighter Robert Needham and CMC nobbled | The Courier-Mail:

Drug lords, outlaw bikies and pedophiles are free to ply their evil trades in Queensland after the Supreme Court effectively shut down the state's top organised crime fighting body.

The Courier Mail, striving to prove that when it comes to intelligent journalism, it's still not worth the pixels it's reproduced on.

Drug trade's tragic toll and institutional ignorance revealed | The Courier-Mail:

Five community pillars have let down our youth with a not-in-my-backyard attitude to the flourishing illicit drug problem. The institutions of ignorance are schools, the police and criminal justice system, the health and drug treatment sector, law makers and the pubs and clubs industry.

"Everyone but you, our gentle reader..."

This conclusion owes nothing to statistics or voices from official corners.

Because who needs either when you can resort to self-fulfilling sensationalism?

It is centred on the observations of dozens of ordinary Queenslanders spoken to by The Courier-Mail in the course of its wide-ranging investigation into the growth of amphetamine-type stimulant drugs. Our stories - your stories - over the past week, highlighting abuse of drugs such as ecstasy, ice and speed, have picked up a wake of carnage.

I've only had a cursory look around and could well be mistaken, but it's interesting to note that of the BBC, Reuters, ABC, Fairfax, and News Limited online news sites, only the last cluster seem to be treating the latest Facebook makeover as a real news item (I mean, come on - a website changes it's interface, and users complain? That's news???), while at the same time throwing in a speculative piece on the dangers of Facebook's relative youth).

I'm sure it's just coincidence that Facebook is competing in the same marketspace as News Corp's MySpace and Photobucket...

Mixed reactions as Facebook changes its look again | News | News.com.au:

FACEBOOK is launching a new redesign this week, and users are reacting with confusion.

The social network's official blog yesterday announced the start of changes to user's home and profile pages worldwide.

News.com: not afraid to address the big issues, drawing on the expertise of industry heavyweights such as "Lisa", "Kelsie", "Larry" and others.  This is the kind of work that separates real internet news from mere bloggery.

Some might perhaps argue that should read "full of" rather than "on", but they've clearly never been exposed to Clarkson's talent for literary analysis:

Run for cover – Pooh the Dark Knight is coming | Jeremy Clarkson - Times Online:

What makes Pooh engage even today – apart from the genius of the writing and the joy of the illustrations – is that the stories are so exquisitely simple. It was Eeyore’s birthday. Pooh felt he should have a present. Piglet – surely the most unpleasant character in fiction since Judas Iscariot – decided to get there first so he’d be credited with the idea. He fell over. The present exploded. He got his comeuppance. The end.

Brisbanetimes.com.au: national, world, business, entertainment, sport and technology news:

Leaders see rescue package full of ideology

The Prime Minister's essay on neo-liberalism in last week's Monthly magazine was the most provocative ideological potshot taken by a prime minister since John Howard, writes Phillip Coorey

In other words, Rudd's essay was "the most provocative ideological potshot" taken since the guy immediately before him. That's a pretty earthshaking claim, there...

Nelson heightens leadership speculation | The Australian:

Brendan Nelson has sparked fresh speculation about his future as Opposition leader by insisting he would be "very happy" if former treasurer Peter Costello renounced his decision to quit Federal Parliament as well as his professed lack of interest in leading the Liberal Party.

Brendan unloads with both barrels and takes both feet off cleanly, showing a style and flair for unwitting self-destruction we haven't seen since the heyday of the Beazley Revenant.

But despite the growing speculation, the media-canny former treasurer is not expected to make any announcement about his future, aware that it would be too late to attract widespread media coverage late on a Friday evening.

I'm in love with the sheer cynicism and utter realism of this last paragraph :)

Yes, this is a media beat-up. No, it's not something that carries any meaningful consequences for the immediate future unless the Government drop the ball in the most appalling ways imaginable (or the electorate suffer mass retardation, which is a more likely prospect).

But it's just so much fun to watch.

Rice is nice but more meat, please - Opinion - smh.com.au:

Please. Answering inane questions politely while showing patience is not a complex skill. Brendan Nelson can do it for Christ's sake.

I'm obviously feeling mean today, because this made me want to laugh aloud.

Biff. Zap. Kapow - Batman fans think - Opinion - smh.com.au:

As weak as The Crystal Skull may be, it has at least contributed a new term to the language of entertainment analysis. Perhaps you're familiar with "jump the shark", which describes what happens to a TV series when the writers become so desperate they introduce obvious gimmicks. Now we have the cinema equivalent: "Nuke the fridge".

Greens threaten to oppose alcopop tax | The Australian:

The Senate is threatening to blow a $3bn hole in Kevin Rudd's first budget as the Greens warned they may oppose the alcopop tax hike.

The excise increase was introduced at midnight on April 27 and the clock is now ticking for the Government to introduce validating legislation within 12 months.

But the Coalition has confirmed it will block the changes while it maintains control of the Senate until July and Labor will be forced to rely on the support of the Greens and other independents to govern from August.

Editorial staff at The Australian engage in direct competition with the Federal Opposition in the cognitive dissonance stakes ... and actually deliver a very strong effort. Samantha Maiden's reporting is usually a bit better than this.